今天可以算是我在英国心情最黑暗的一天.
这里不会有人理解吧,从经济高级换到经济初级,学得更简单,拿分更容易,会哭的是傻瓜.
可我就是傻瓜啊,在NICK办公室的时候拿到新课程表就忍不住红了眼睛,还要作出灿烂的微笑说我会努力的.
偷偷哭,偷偷哭,偷偷从心痛哭到心空空如也.
怎么会这样呢?长大为什么要放弃这么多东西?想到1年前为了高分从生物换到物理,永远地把最爱的生物遗失在记忆了.那本厚厚的奥生书,那间味道特别的生物课室,不属于我,因为我奥赛的惨败.心里的伤痛又催生了我抛弃生物的念头.而现在,听到有人选生物,或是看到跟生物有关的东西,都会兴奋一下,然后失落地望向虚无.在英国,又被一个很好的老师,教一门很有趣的学科,经济.我慢慢地喜欢上了,所有的图表和概念.自从我坐在他的班上开始,我就存在侥幸的心理,希望我可以两年都待在这里,听着他清晰干净的英语,引人入胜的分析,在白纸上用黑色签字笔抄下一条条重要的定义.但是,又是什么,把我爱上的经济抢走了?心痛得,好象肉被生生割去一大块,血流得特别顺畅,一直到,所有喜欢的东西都弃我而去,只留下一片紧闭的废墟,任何东西都无法占领了.
我不要啊,我要时间永远停在我预料不到的最后一节高级经济课上.深夜里,裹在被子眼泪簌簌滑落.
长大,真的很残酷.

不过,我应该开心吧,因为很快就回家了.笑噢,笑会带来福气的.
我要突然出现在他们面前,惊喜,惊喜,再惊喜.看看肥肥的陶令高兴得左拥右抱,暂时忘记要长大.
这次不准备写回去的日期在空间上,就为了吓吓人噢.
我还要吃很多很多的炒青菜,做很多很多的事,实习,运动,回老家,旅游,自学...因为大家都要为高三忙碌啊,所以陶令也一定要装装样子好好学习,拣回标准实验班女生的风格,偶尔出去玩一下就好了.
开心吧,小朋友,你已经赶完世界文学和PERSONAL STATEMENT了,数学PORTFOLIO你又很喜欢做,再等那么一会儿,一会儿,你就在欧亚大陆上空享受着维珍飞机上一打打的电影,然后容颜枯槁地从香港坐车进入深夜的广州了,家里会有煲好的汤放在饭桌上,香香.
加油噢,失去那么多重要的东西,如果努力一阵子,大约会有能弥补伤痛的美丽未来吧.你要坚强.

放LINKIN' PARK的新歌IN BETWEEN的歌词上来,前几天一下子喜欢这首了,歌词恰如心境.

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

[Chorus]
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
[End Chorus]

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

[Chorus]
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
[End Chorus]

And I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do or plan

Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand

I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can

[Chorus]
For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse is

Pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
[End Chorus]

分数发下来了,这次有好多七都拿得很勉强,让我心惊胆战,不知道自己是不是一直都在下滑,而不自知.

关于结果,有N大讽刺的东东:

1.我百分比最高那课,居然是THEORY OF KNOWLEDGE.

2.经济和物理居然被夙敌拿了第一,化学我已经不敢去问,怕问了之后对理科失去信心.

3.语文两篇作文,第一篇我以为拿6的,拿了满分的7.第一篇我很自信会拿7的,才拿了6/7.

4.物理和数学都因为粗心错了N多东东.

5.不算中文,我唯一上90%的科目,居然是英语.而老师说我这次作文写得很失水准.

6.那场不算七科内的CRITICAL THINKING,我迟到半小时,剩下一个小时做,居然还做完了,只是不知道自己考的是不是全校倒数第一.

7.这么多不妥的东西,结果还是被我达到预期目标.

ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC分割线ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

最近被选科的事搞到很想发明分身机器.

再见,我亲爱的航天工程和理论物理和文学和经济.没有你们我的日子怎么过.

不管怎么说,还有两星期就可以回家了,可以吃炒青菜了,可以去省实了,啊...

心飞啊飞...