Q: Why do you choose Cambridge?
A: Well, since I will stay in Oxford to spend two years on this damn IB, I will be bored to death if I choose to stay here for five years. So I choose two small and boring places for these five years, instead of one small and boring place. Satisfied?

Q: When did you first hear about Cambridge?
A: Oh, you know that film Van Wilder 2? It's set in Cambridge and it's so funny! The guy plays paintballing in history class, grabs the girl of that Eton fool, makes a dog eat pills so it gets laid with a female one on the dog competition in front of all the Cambridge students, and finally destroys a whole memorial hall in Cambridge. Wow, he's so cool. The doggy part is my recommedation, you should replay it for 10 times.

Q: What do you have to offer Cambridge?
A: Me? A freak for a freaky college, simple as that.

Q: What do you know about Churchill College?
A: It's named by Churchill
Q: And?
A: It's built using Churcihll's money.
Q: And?
A: It's in Cambridge. And by the way, who's Churchill, anyway?

Q: Let's get to the academic part. How will you improve the efficiency of glonoin explosion?
A: Carry the explosion setting from the lab to Oxford street on a sunny Saturday.

Q: How do you predict an atom's behavior in an ideal gas?
A: Go and ask it. Don't be shy, a little talk on the weather will get it unarmed.

Q: What's your interest in Biochemistry?
A: Desigh a drug to improve impulse intensity and duration. You know which impulse, right?

Q: How do you think of the development of stem cell and its moral conflict?
A: The research should be banned, absolutely! Human will be taken over by robot eventually, so what's the struggle?

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Q: Well, personal opinion, but I think you're the ideal student to study natural sciences in Cambridge. Will you take the offer?
A: I'm glad you guys accept me but I've already booked a place at St. Andrew's to jump off the cliff, bye!

Hmm...I'm just writing stupid stuff, don't take it seriously. But...REAL CAMBRIDGE INTERVIEW next Friday, how will I handle it? I mean, what's there for me? I don't even like it.
By the way, Dartmouth, I love you, so would you please please please tell me the decision soon? Dartmouth, I'm waiting for your answer that determines my life...LUV YA...

用什么换什么,后悔不后悔
 
考试结束了,也不是完全没有预料到,会考砸. 41分. 让我摸不着头脑的经济STANDARD,成功地画上了丑恶的一笔. 考前并没怎么复习的,中文化学英语是根本没有复,只有经济和物理稍微花了几个小时. 所以,41分,应该是傻瓜懒惰的我应得的分数.

但是还是很伤心. 伤心得足以在语文课上就那么哭出来了. 原本以为可以一直保持的什么满分,没有了; 仅剩的光辉形象,也没有了. 如果,如果再花上几个小时复习,或者找KEVIN讨论一下经济STANDARD考试的技巧,也许,就可以一直保持着幸福美满生活吧...

总觉得这次像是用考砸的分数换来了DC的面试机会. 这样的交换,我后悔吗? 如果换来的是DC的录取,我绝对不会不甘,但只是一个面试机会啊,离录取还遥遥无期. 而所谓的录取,也只是飘在半空中一个虚无的词汇,只有考42的人才用机率拥其入怀,而我,傻瓜又懒惰. 我不只傻瓜懒惰,还贪婪.
我真的要努力了. 下一次大考就是MOCK EXAM了,我输不起,除非真的能在那之前拿到DC的录取.
 
一两天前心情最低落的时候,看YANG的SPACE. 原本是想学习一下ST. CLARE'S最出色的师姐在IB2时面对考试和INTERVIEW的方式,但是没用的我,越看越绝望. 相比之下,我到底是什么呢? 是崇拜飞鹰的满身污泥的蚯蚓吧?

 

Lift me up, lift me from this place.

 

还有不到一个月,就可以回家了. 但当然,在那之前,CAMBRIDGE的INTERVIEW,报考,TOK作文和演讲,INTERNAL ASSESSMENT...仅仅想到,都令人喘不过气来了. 牛津这几天好冷好冷,每天4点天黑,7点后空气就像冰一样的,第二天八九点出门,路边的落叶上覆着厚厚的霜. 所以我在晚上6点后基本都不出门了,真懒. 回广州可以更温暖, 要去吃火锅,下多多的青菜,望着腾腾的热气暂时忘记未来. 还要练习古筝,好好读书,做乖乖女儿. 还要做筱婧的跑腿,没事干的时候就拿着好吃的的东西去省实慰劳她. 嘻嘻,光是想着就已经很开心了. 英国寒冷的冬天,果然还是不习惯.

星期二要加油, impress her.
MOCK一定要拿满分.
圣诞假一定要开心.

 

It seems that most of the people are suffering. Or is it just my illusion for I long to have some pity?

Now I kinda understand how Dan felt when his place of ushering DC representative was taken by an idiot because of social status. I know my situation isn't very similar to his, but anyway, the feeling of seeing something you want so much slips right through your own hands is the same, and it isn't due to bad performances, it's due to the mistakes, unavoidable, like Dan's, or obviously avoidable, like mine. Anyway, I'm totally a loser on this issue. And I think I should find some comfort downloading Gossip Girl everyweek and watching Dan getting into DC after all these twists and turns, meanwhile, wishing I was a role in a weekday drama.

But I really learned much from the tragedy. I discover that I have a feature that I never paid attention before. I can do things well, but cannot take care of every details. And since details usually affect the very final result, I always need someone to have my back. Before, it was Dad, Mom, Uncle, Jane. They calmly pointed out what I missed out behind the seemly perfection. And I used to take the advices for granted. But now, half a globe away from them, I'm not sure if I have someone to have my back and help me maintain my track. Hopefully it's Ed, although he doesn't really look like a gardian angel comparing to Jane. Thank god please keep me on track, I don't wanna be torn apart by those silly mistakes, never ever again.

Life is in chaos. Exams, applications, but the hardest thing is to balance my heart and face every new second with the right mood.  What a horrible period, again the question I've been asking since the beginning of the summer: will I survive?

Someone will say: "Probably, after all you're Ling."
My response is: "Since I'm Ling, probably not."