WALKING DEAD 牵线娃娃: November, 2006

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November 24

radiohead-fake plastic tree

2 days left before the term exams.Will I reach my expectation?

In some ways,I don't even want the exams be over,ever-lasting ones are better.Because I know clearly what's coming next after the exams.Nerve-breaking SGP,which is likely to be done by myself instead of me and the "cleverest" and most arrogant guy I've ever seen.And 2 weeks after it's the time to fly back to China.I don't know why but I kinda don't want to leave here,I'd rather stay in routine with raw vegetables,my "tree house",new friends,excellent teachers and my fine grades.What's the point of going back?There will be loads of SAT exercise waiting for me in a strange city,loneliness invading my heart every night.

So can I just pray for eternal exams?I know this sounds crazy but staying in a quiescent time seems to be the best choice for a dull girl like me.

I went to see <Lion King> on stage yesterday.The music was fantastic,full of wild spirit.However,the costumes gave me the impression that they were from somewhere of a third world country,tousy,grotty,timeworn.Anyway,I felt as if I was back to childhood which isn't as joyful as most of the kids',and which is only filled with boxes of English films and shelves of books on science,<Lion King>'s songs were my favourite.

It's been nearly 3 months since I left home for the first time and came here knowing nothing at all.What have I received in 3 month's time?Whenever this question comes up I feel like slapping myself because I just can't find myself a satisfying answer.I can't just say "well,a bit of foolish knowledge in class,a bit of experience in England,a bit of complexe emotions and kilos of fat".It seems that I totally wasted my time here and didn't know what I am aiming for at all.Forgive myself if I could,but I am surely the one to blame and to be burried in dust.

All footles here.Wish me good luck for the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig exmas.I'LL GET WHAT I WANT!

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November 19

switchfoot-nothing is sound

In order not to get below four in English in the coming November exam,i've determined to write everything in English now,even if it's a brand new way of ruining my feelings inside using my awful expression.

Anyway it seems so far away,the magic number 38 of toal mark.

Sometimes when I look into memory I am scarcely familiar with all those glory(or peacockery more precisely) obtained by little effort.Dusted by months of continuous maze began in April,the tiny pieces of rubiginous beauty lie as if there's nothing at all in my life.

But whenver I try to touch them,the sharp stings which remained like stubborn children prick me right through,leaving a trail of invisible,scarlet blood.The color is so bright that I thought that the sunshine had once again given mercy to the sinner,or that the person with the similar smile had flown to stay next to me in the darkest midnights.

Back to reality,I am alone,always,always.

As long as you don't care at all.

So for a hopeless bastard like me,revising through hills of books looks like the only way to rescue myself from freezing iron water,although kissing might be another way which temporarily works.

Speak to my pillow:tomorrow never dies.

But what has died already?Or what will die soundlessly even before the break of dawn?