今晚的月亮,圆得让人触目惊心.

今晚的星星,亮得像将要滴出水,或泪.

当整个世界可以为了一个人的离去而几近倾颓,只有沉默和祈祷才能重新点燃微笑.

让时光流转,直到我们可以释然回首.

而在忘却痛苦的漫长过程中,要记得,星星在俯视人间.

星星在俯视所爱的人们.

希冀,终会像雪花一样洁白地照亮黑暗的天穹.

darling,i'm right here,believe what i said,love will come through.

It's so cold to stand outside in the dark at the end of January,when the sporadic stars are twinkling faintly and the trees are brewing their colourful flowers for the coming spring clandestinely as if they are cruel enough to ban people from praying with hope.Moreover,I'm all alone,here without someone.But I was told to hold the faith inside.That dim light will never vanish away,as long as I'm here facing wind and snow,smiling with hopes.

It's time to be positive,with the one by my side.

 

I think about friends in GDEMS a lot.They are taking the term exam this week.Although driven quite lazy by studying abroad,I can still imagine the pain and the pressure right now trying to tease their heart apart.And what I can do is nothing.I could have been there worrying greatly too,but how come I'm living a totally different life far away from you?I know it's silly to regret the life I have now,but the days I used to have,the simple,intense but happy days,are forever gone,only existing as incontinuous fractions in my memory.Don't leave me on the half-way,I'm still one of the many.And good luck for the exam,with all my heart.

 

I had my economics test today.Hmm...I really can't think of any comments on it,I messed it up again.Amazingly I took the word "decrease" as "increase".As a result,I did the whole question wrong.I hate my English!

Hope I can pass the exam,but the probability is low enough to cause me sleep in ToK class,dribbling at the mouth...Considering my recklessness and the attitude towards study this term,It seems obvious that I'm facing another horrible downturn.There's no solution.

Recently my desire for Chinese cuisine is so strong that I completely lose my appetite for the awful English foods in the dinning hall.Now even apples can't appeal me sometimes.I'm looking forward to the arrival of my dear noodles,hopefully it will arrive in April...Is there a advanced surgery that can freeze my sense of taste for just few months and then I can thaw it for my summer holiday in Asia?

I complained a lot in today's diary,guess that's the effect of low-grade homeworks I've received and the desperate classes.I'll try to cheer myself up,with more homeworks...

昨天第一次发掘到iTune的好处:共享音乐.

看着别人的音乐库激动了好久,因为有很多遗失在我中国那部不中用的破电脑里的歌,又意外地出现了.

谁和我的共识:一首歌藏了一段往事,当熟悉的音符清楚地流淌出来的时候,现实就轻易地被模糊了,时光在吟唱里渐次盛放.

那些我以为会被永远遗忘的事情.

音量调到最大,把FEEDER和SUM41的几张专辑反复地听了又听.

我在耳机里迷失了.因为我好象又站在晚上十点的省实门口,中山四路那个.

头顶的路灯锐化了每一丝清冷的雨滴,于是就像是有好多好多橘黄色而透明的细针,直直地洒下来,隐隐地锥疼了眼睛.

伫立,谁在年华里忘记了长大?

FEEDER,好爱你,comfort in sound,it's all around.

 

做了半个晚上的美国大学的浏览,越做越郁闷的.

虽然现在SAT已经不算一块太大的绊脚石,但我的未来,还是摇摇欲坠的样子.

老师说,40+可以到世界上任何一所大学.

但谁都没说的前提是,不考虑任何经济问题.

但考虑了呢?

考虑了就像我现在这么郁闷了.

对国际学生NEED-BLIND的大学就那么六七所,而最TOP的六七所,我有能力进吗?

想来想去我也就那么一个死读书的人,别的什么一点都没有,性格还那么孤僻.

哪有大学会想要这种人啊.

大个女了,要自己前前后后把未来全部计划好,不要让爸爸妈妈操任何心.

但是我追求的未来,怎么是遥不可及的呢?

最近开始很频繁地思考"公平"这个问题,这很明显就是弱势群体的表现--靠不了自己的能力,才不自觉地到处抱怨.

我要努力做到,自立和完美,把我脑袋里每个筋都烧焦又有什么所谓?它们有再生能力的.

Sorry that I have to write my diary in English,for an unquestionable reason.

 

almost two weeks have passed since I left that hotel seated in the suburban area,but it already seems like ages.

I remember when I was in grade 3 of the junior middle school,I used to have this feeling that I was some sort of old witch feeding only on memory.Every misty morning,standing at the bus stop watching passers-by hurried away before my eyes,I could hardly help myself fancying that I was an old vagabond with all these twisted wrinkles on my forehead,murmuring fortunes that could not be understood even by god.By then I was driven miserable by the meaningless exams which could decide the futures of the people around me but not mine,because I didn't know what I could benefit from the future,then I didn't care at all.

But now I do care about the things happen in one month,or one semester,or one spring,or one year,or one decade.I'm not saying I've completely turned to a realistic person by this crazy IB program designed to oppress teens--comparing to Chinese education system it's like nothing.Somehow my life began to change,although slowly,but leading me to an unknown direction.No matter it's heaven or hell,I'm eager to see it.By all means I still have this strong curiousity inside the cold and indifferent me.However,I must take every step with caution.Anyway,who's gonna even pay attention if I'm suddenly sucked into a massive abyss and never come back?

Ah oh,I'm feeling old again.

 

Since I've returned here from China,I become so apathetic to some common things in life that I'm sure I can join the ascetics.Maybe I've experienced the happiness needed for a whole life in just a dozen days.Well,at least it's good for study,for I don't have to wander around all the time doing nothing.But I don't choose this mood on purpose,I have it now because it's the real side of me.

I have a feeling that I just won't get to the final destination,where all kinds of flowers will open in one season and all the beauties of nature will appear to celebrate an eternal spring.I just won't.

 

I miss the days when I didn't meditate and when I just lived like a senseless doll.Life was much easier then.

Thinking makes a girl stupid,being stupid makes a girl happy,being happy makes a girl nothing.

maybe it's true.

冲凉的时候,无意识地把花洒举到远离右手手背的地方.

不想让那几个字消失,但是现在我能看到的也只是淡黑色的几笔而已.

就像每时每刻蕴绕在脑海里的,你的一切.

淡淡的忧伤,深深的午夜颜色的思念.

你看得到吗?

 

新学期的第一个星期,过得特惨痛.

做不完的作业,新的旧的,一起压过来.

同时还要应付新课程,时差,感冒,乱乱的房间,定学习计划.

经济课,居然答不上economies of scale的定义.而tok课上,根本抓不住这门课的学习方法.

但是,最没办法应付的,还是想你.

朋友说我化学课上望着老师也可以发呆和微笑好一阵子,后果是那节课下来我压根不知道老师布置过作业.

而她说我以前上课都是严肃的没有一点笑容的.

我想,真的有这样一个人,改变了本来是无可救药的我.

我甚至开始考虑,要不要去相信永远.

相信与否,我都再也放不开了,你清晨阳光一般明亮的笑容.

 

今天看了看SPACE上很久以前写的日志,发现我06年8月的时候对PRISON BREAK就是一见钟情的.

呵呵,花痴一下,真的很喜欢嘛.

也发现了我每篇日志都多多少少弥漫着悲哀,深不见底的样子.

我要快乐,我要试着,自己给自己快乐.

就算跌倒了,也不怕.

转身离开 你有话说不出来

海鸟和鱼相爱 只是一场意外

 

现在才发觉,这首歌真的很好听.我是个很迟钝的人.

可是,我终于也被你们教导得听中文歌了.

喜欢看你们唱K时玩疯了的表情,那时我想这大概就叫快乐吧.

其实快乐还有很多很多,在这短短的二十天里.

有人教会了我,什么是信任,什么是浪漫,什么是不离不弃,什么是为了一个人好好学习,什么是被宠着的感觉,什么是爱你.

站在雪地里被抱着的一刻,我告诉自己,永远永远.

不管未来怎样,我只要你记得.

 

新东方是爱情和友情的摇篮,真是不假,卡卡卡.

突然有了这么多好朋友,散在全球各地,用回忆盼望一个重逢.

回到广州,再赶英国的飞机,两天的奔波,让我有种错觉,我在北京做了一个很甜很甜的梦.

可是我不愿醒,真的不愿醒.

i wanna have faith in u.

 

众位亲爱的,我不小心开始疯狂地想念你们了...

where did i go right,一首很久前就不敢再听的歌,现在又想起来了.

where did i go right,how did i get u

how come all these blue skies are around me

and u found me

很甜很甜的歌,给现在的我.

我不小心遇上了幸福.
突然不想离开这里了,不要回广州,也不要去英国了.

让时光,小小地凝固一下.

让我,开心地,在幻想里睡到天荒地老.